Braxton-Hicks contractions, back and hip pain, mild swelling, fatigue…
Five weeks to go and it would seem that the little dude has decided it was high time for him to get some attention around here.
I’ve realized over the weekend that I have been pushing off the emotional processing needed to welcome a baby into the world. With the first baby it is all you can think about, but with subsequent children it has been harder to take the time inwardly focus, to open my heart to the new little person. I have been feeling a little silly overhearing first-time moms gushing about how they can hardly wait until the birth and how they wish they could have the baby today. When asked, I have to respond that I don’t feel ready yet and “haha, they are so much easier in than out” or something lame like that.
I never felt totally prepared for Gladys, and I certainly was NOT prepared for the earth-shattering mind-blowing amount of LOVE that exploded out of me for her. It was like my heart had practiced this mother-love before and it knew just what to do. It is such a consolation whenever I feel guilty for not feeling “ready” to know that I have it in me to love on this next child of mine, no matter how I feel before the birth.
Even so, I want to give this baby the gift of a ready heart and I want to work towards it – trying to look beyond just checking things off the to-do list, and making my actions a gift for the person they are readying for. Isn’t that what all of our worries over nurseries and layettes and freezer meals are really all about?
I’m trying to decide what would be some good projects for meditating and praying my way through. What things will bring me joy to work on and that would remind me of the sweet-smelling bundle to come? A baptismal gown? A new sling? Setting up a cozy corner in my room and filling it with tiny clothes and diapers?
Because ready or not…
He will come.
I am open for suggestions of project ideas? What would you give your child who already has everything he needs from his older siblings? What could I make that would be special for him?